A Memorable Night

Bella's 2nd favorite nurse, Jen

Dear Bella,

I am home and thinking of you tonight. I want to tell you some things about tonight. I want to envision you as a young adult reading about tonight and believing without a doubt that God had a plan for your life. I know that your Mom and Dad prayed for you even before they knew your name or saw your beautiful eyes or heard your giggle. I know their hearts longed to have you home and to hold you and to love you and to share you and to delight in you. I was privileged to watch them journey as they waited and I know you were long awaited for by your Dad and Mom, Sam, Jake and Nathan as well as many many more who love and adore you.

Tonight you are very sick. You are in the hospital and I watched for hours as the nurses and doctors tried to put an IV into your arm or your leg. You whimpered and you screamed and you cried out for your Mama when you wanted to give her your barrette. You always rested your head on your Mom’s shoulder when she was able to pick you up from the bed and hold you. You patted her as if to say, Mom, we are going to get through this. Your smiles were not present, you feel awful and we think your bones must hurt. Tomorrow will be tests and confirmation of the feared leukemia. I am praying tonight that something else might show up, something not so hard on your little body, but I fear what might lie ahead for you and your family.

Tonight I had to focus on trusting God in this huge pit of chaos. The why questions were all over my thoughts and in my tears. Your Mom’s tears and words screamed her pain. She repeated, this feels like a bad dream. I know DeVos Children’s Hospital is one of the best in the country, but I don’t want you to have to go through this Bella. Your first 8 months in the orphanage were lonely at times, I am sure, why would your beautiful spirit have to suffer again?

And so I began to look for God and I saw Him with us tonight Bella. I saw God in Dr. Hoffman and his quick eye to see that you needed medical help right away. I saw God in Dr. Fitzgerald and his amazing skill in starting your IV after many many pokes from other nurses and lab technicians. I saw God in your mother’s tender touch and your father’s gentle kisses to your face as you were held down to start the IV. I saw God in your spirit as so many commented on what an amazing little girl you were to endure so much tonight. I do not understand dear Bella why you need to go through this sickness, but I do know this for sure, that God is with you every step of the way, to hold you and comfort you, to love you and protect you and I will pray Bella that God will bring full healing to your body and sweet sweet spirit so you can grow up enjoying the family God has delivered you to. It is my hope that your story will continue to bring Glory to God in the unfolding of the days ahead. I hope that together, we will all support the Ferrick family to live through this struggle with honest questions and expression of emotions. It is my prayer dear Bella, that many will weep over the injustice of disease and will marvel at the places we see God in this unwanted season of your life.

Bella Ferrick, you are a chosen child of God, loved by two mother’s and delighted in by many. I want you to know that I love you Bella and hope to watch you grow up healthy and strong.

Until that time,

Your friend,

Trish

I received this letter from our friend and adoption social worker the morning after Bella was admitted to the hospital. Trish was one of many angels we have seen in this experience. The night we were admitted, the only thing I could think to pray was "Lord, send your army of angels around Bella and our family." And we are seeing proof of that army every moment. We thank you Jesus for going before us an providing for not only our emotional needs, but also our physical needs.

Bella and I came home Friday evening around 7 pm. I have not had a chance to post as we had a Halloween Party to prepare for. Several angels arrived at our home Friday afternoon to start the decorating...I will post more on this event tomorrow. Bella is well, but she is very sensitive and emotional. She cries and screams for no reason at all, shakes like she's cold, and then will be all smiles and laughing. she is very tired and napping a lot, she is eating well but not large amounts like we expected. The doctors did inform us that her personality will be like this for the first couple months, its a side effect of her daily oral chemo. Tomorrow is our first clinic day for her intervenious chemo, another few hours at this hospital. I am choosing to look at it as quiet time with my girl.

I have added a new section on our Blog called "Bella's Angels". There is no way we can send thank you notes at this time for all the people who have shown their love and support to Bella and our family in one way or another, so I will post their names in this section as a way to recognize and thank those who have truly been angels to Bella and our family.

Blessings, Susie