Dying to Self

"Adoption is not for the faint hearted". I cant think of a time in my life when I was facing a bigger giant than this one. The past 5 weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for me, and therefore, my family. When we decided to adopt in May 2006, we knew international adoption would require us to TRUST God....little did we know at that time just how much. For the most part, we have been able to stay faithful to that trust, to the conviction that God's way was best and His plan was perfect, but with the recent unfoldings of Mixco CR, it became increasingly difficult on our flesh. The enemy moved in swiftly filling my head with doubt, fear and worry leading to sleepless nights, irritability, paralyization....and I never even seen it coming. I knew what I was doing was wrong, I kept saying " I know what this, I am not going here, "He who is in me is greater than He who is in the world". But with news from our agency that 5 families received their BC's and 5 received "previews" last week, the Giants seemed overbearing, insurmountable, un-defeatable. I literally had a night where I was so angry with the enemy I was waking my husband up in the middle of the night kicking off blankets and screaming " I HATE YOU DEVIL"! Crying out for God, "please help me win over this fear....I know better". In the morning, the guilt came on....how could I question such an awesome God? And it occurred to me what happened. I had taken my focus off God's will and plan and put it on mine, and in doing so, I lost my peace. I got so concerned over my desire to have my daughter home that I lost sight of God's perfect timing. This journey was never about me, our family or our sweet Bella, it's about God and His glory. There is so much more to this journey, too many to list as we have experienced many.

So tonight I post that I am human. I stumble and fall just like everyone else, yet through Him, I get back up. I know what it feels like to fight war, I did it...it was exhausting. And although I won the battle of my mind, I must stand guard, "for the enemy comes roaming like a lion to kill, steal and destroy". Tonight, I rest in under His wing and trust His ways and allow Him to carry out His plan.

Tomorrow marks day 30 for us in Mixco CR, by law, they are required to release our file on this day. Generally, they have been coming out around day 33. My heart is at peace, a few heart races occasionally, but I surrender my will and plan to knowing that His time is perfect. Our expectation and words are that we will have Bella's Birth Certificate APPROVED this week, for we know we serve a mighty and big God, "for He is able to do super abundantly, far over and above all that we dare ask or think, beyond our highest prayers, desires, hopes or dreams. To Him be the glory...." Eph. 3:20 We will stand strong with our swords held high and His Word on our tongues.

We ask for your continued prayer and support, it has absolutely carried us through and made the load lighter.

Victory is at hand....