New Blog Design

I have received so many wonderful comments about our new Blog Design, I want to make sure to give credit where credit is due, and its not me. I did donate the wonderful faces, however, my friend Jamie with Centsibly Chic Designs did this for us. She did an amazing job and I so appreciate her time and efforts. You can visit her business site at the link below.
http://www.centsiblychicdesign.blogspot.com/

Quick Update

Just a quick note to let all of you faithful friends know that Bella is doing GREAT! The doctors are amazed at how well she has handled this bout of chemo, they said most children do not tolerate it this well. We can only attribute this to our Lord and Savior and the power of God's Word. We speak scripture over our sweet girl daily and only believe and speak the positive. She is having absolutely NO side effects from the chemo, we are enjoying every second. She is walking all over the place, getting stronger, and starting to really talk. She speaks so many words now: Natey, Jakey, Grandpa (Pa_Pop), gentle, pop, baby,no,hi,bye bye, Sponge Bob (Bob Bob), ball, book, shoe, socks, bubbles, uh-oh (my personal favorite, she is so expressive, lips and all), Big Bird, Elmo and of course, Mama and Dada. She is laughing all the time (especially at her brothers) and gives lots of hugs with love pats on the back. She is really in to her kitchen and her baby dolls. She is such an affectionate little girl and as you have all seen, loves to be snuggled and held...however, when her boys are around, she loves to walk around, play hide and seek, wrestle, play the wii (yes, she boxes with her brothers on the wii, that's my next video) and be chased. The only bad thing is, she's a toddler. I miss my baby, the time was not long enough. I keep telling Dave she needs a little sister, he's not there yet. I guess that means God doesnt have her ready yet. :) We shall wait and see what He has planned.

Wordless Wednesday

Ok, so this is my first post for "Wordless Wednesday". I truly dont even know what to say about this.

Last week, I visited with two of my girl friends who also have children from Hannah's Hope in Guatemala. Our girls were at one time all at the Orphanage together. They were amazed at how peaceful and content Bella was. Bella is a very good baby, but she has one little issue....she wants to be held ALL the time, and she has been this way since we picked her up last April 28th. I love it that she is so snuggly and loves her Mama so, but what am I to do being that I must get dressed.

Still doing GREAT!

It's been a great week! Looking at Bella you would never know she is a chemo patient...all the positive biblical confessions we pray and speak over her daily is evident in her demeanor and ability to handle her treatment. She had a pretty strong dose of chemo last week, the doctors expected a different reaction than she is giving. I didn't, I know our God and I know His Word is alive and active. Bella was happy all week and walking all over the place. This week she has double chemo on Thursday as she has a spinal tap and her chemo push.

Did you say Chemo?

Look who's walking!!!! One more reason to say every day "He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world"! Chemo may weaken the normal body, but when your child of God, you have super natural strength and endurance. Go Bella Girl...and then slow down so that you can still be my baby.

Uh-oH!

Oh this girl....she makes me laugh. I have really been working on Bella learning words the past few weeks. Therefore, I emphasize all my words with my mouth so that she can see how to use her lips and tongue to say words. Well, that has resulted in a Bella walking around all day with her lips out like the pictures above. She looks like she is in "Uh Oh" motion all day long. I was also cleaning out the refrigerator the other day, while dumping out food in the garbage disposal, Bella decided she would climb in to the refrigerator. A great sign that she is feeling better.

It's been a rather uneventful month for Bella. She has really done well, we had quit a few "throw ups" in the car seat, but we have finally figured out a way to solve that problem by giving her anti nausea meds before we get in the car and placing a rubber bib over her as well as a towel so that I am not continuously washing her coat and car seat. These episodes are a result of the chemo. Monday is clinic day and she gets a pretty strong dose of chemo that day...believing for the best and letting God take care of the rest. February-April will be her most intense months of treatment, the good news is, after that, she begins maintenance and we go to once a month. We are seeing the light...summer should be a good time for all of us.

As for the rest of the household, we are praising God for all our blessings. I must admit, I have personally struggled with a few losses....like my CAR! Right before Christmas my 2001 Pontiac Montana died...being that it has 163,000 miles on it, we decided it was not a good idea to fix it as the cost to fix the problem is high. However, with my not working and Dave being paid in commission, we decided it was best to try and survive on one car for the time being. Not so fun when he works 25 minutes away and you have 4 kids in school, sports and hospital trips. Not too mention that his car is the "point A to point B" car and is a small Ford Taurus Station Wagon. Like fun only different and very humbling. Yet when you stand back and look at the big picture, it is only "but a time" and we are not "of this world only in this world". I am focusing on who I am in Christ and not what car I drive...some days are easier than others. I am a spiritual being living in a physical body, and that physical body would like more functional wheels that are a little more aesthetically pleasing. :)

I want to thank everyone again for all the lovely and wonderful things you have sent Bella. My heart just leeps with thanksgiving and joy every time a package comes in the mail. Nancy, we received your package and the outfit is adorable as is the bear. We also received "Broviach"(Bella's official name for her port) covers from a nurse (I am so sorry, I cant remember your name off the top of my head) in Oklahoma a few months ago...they have made caring for her port so much easier not to mention comfortable for Bella. Thank you thank you!

Lastly, I am so very excited for a dear and special friend of mine, Amy. She is officially pregnant with her second...a baby boy from Ethiopia was born in her heart this week. I am going to love every second of sharing this journey with her and her beautiful family.

Thanks for checking in on us, I know posts have been few and far between lately, I appreciate your loyalty and prayers.

God Bless! Susie

Trolly, Santa and Update

"For unto us a child is born". It truly in mind boggling to me that God himself would leave His holy throne, and submit himself to not only the life of a human, but to start at the very beginnings of earthly life...and humbly I might add. When I truly think about this truth, I realize just how loving and truly understanding my heavenly Father is. He lived this life, he felt our hurts, sorrow, joy and fear. He knows what we are up against, and He set himself to set things straight. It's easy to get wrapped up in the "American" tradition of Christmas....Santa, gifts, hustle and bustle, too much money spent, too many sweets eaten, Christmas music in stores before Halloween in efforts to push spending....its ok to celebrate Christmas this way, my family does too. Some of us want to focus on the spiritual side of Christmas, but truly, the real meaning of Christmas is a day to be celebrated the whole year through. Not just on one day of the year, but every minute of every day of our lives. In all honesty, I find it much easier to teach my children the love of Christ on a daily basis than on this one month of th year that is filled with so many distractions. So every year, my family celebrates the greatest gift given and received, Jesus...but we also celebrate the gift of living in this country and all the traditions that come with it. And we spend daily life taking the gift of Christ and glorifying our heavenly Father to the best of our ability.


I can't even believe its been over a week since I last posted. I can not let myself get this behind again, its too hard to catch up! Our holiday season was wonderful, we celebrated Christmas with my family on the 21st complete with a catored dinner from a Tapas restaurant, gifts for the children, Adult Yankee Swap (I highly recommend this, we laughed a lot) and ended it with a 2 hour Surprise Trolly Ride through the streets of Grand Rapids singing Christmas Carols, delivering gifts to a less fortunate family and checking out the major Christmas light display at our very own minor league baseball field, the "White Caps". It was a very snowy night, it could not have been more magical.

Christmas Eve was spent with just the 6 of us. We went to Christmas Eve Service, out to Dinner and then home for games, jammies and cookies for Santa. I am as excited as my kids for Christmas morning, I rarely get more than 2 hours of sleep if any. This year was no exception...I finally fell asleep at 6 am and my boys were up at 7 am jumping on our bed. Our rule is 7 am. Bella was a little confused but woke up rather quilkly. The boys were thrilled with their gifts but a little disappointed Santa did not bring a Wii. Then I pointed out the tiny gift under the tree that they missed and the race was on. Santa had sent them on a treasure hunt through out the house looking for a gift. As it turns out, our family did receive a Wii and a Wii Fit....santa left clues in all of our bedrooms and we found the big box in the basement! I am not an electronic game player, but I love this system....rediculously fun and entertaining. My family actually got together the day after Christmas and had a Wii bowling tournament.

We spent New Years home, quietly. Bella had chemo that morning and both of us were wore out.

I am so happy to see that all of you had such a wonderful holiday season as well. Praying for health, prosperity and joy for all of you this 2009.

Blessings to all!

I just thought this was so funny! 27 pairs of boots lined up at my parents in preparation for the "Surprise Event"....the Trolley Ride

All aboard the "Polar Express"!

My Mom "Grandma Nance" and Great Grandma Betty

My sister Mary, brother Peter, Nate and Bella

Sam and Dave on the Trolley

Bella and her favorite Uncle, Peter

Snow Princess

My Dad and Joe Joe

Niece Morgan and my Jake

Aunt Erin, nieces Emma and Lauren

Dave and I

The Fam....after a 2 hour fun filled Trolley Ride!

The typical "Cry Picture"....everyone needs one of these

I know I shouldnt laugh...but it was a little funny

Every year my Mom makes all the grandchildren their Christmas jammies, this is a picture of all the girls...unfortunately, I did not get a picture of the boys in their matching blue snowflake jammies.

Jake on the Wii Fit. Ha!

Bella checking out Sammy's ipod

Santa Came! I am thinking its a midwestern tradition to wrap all the gifts and a southern tradition to put the gifts under the tree unwrapped. Its been fun to visit everyone's blog sites and see the differences.

Christmas Eve after Dinner

Merry Christmas

Its ABSOLUTELY POSITVELY ................

Three Boys and a Princess

Jake in his Igloo

Sam in his Igloo

the Princess in her Santa Suit-Thanks Candy and Kya Blue

Going to be a WHITE Christmas! It's beautiful outside, come March 1st, I struggle with that comment, but today, its a marshmallow world here in Michigan. We received almost a foot of snow from 6 am this morning till about noon today. We already had about 6" on the ground. The boys last day of school before Christmas break turned in to a snow day, so we took Bella out to play. She really likes the snow, its the wind she does not care for. It's quit entertaining to me that this sweet daughter of mine was born in the country of "eternal spring", and here she is in snow that is over her head. It's expected to continue all the way through Christmas Day with a few breaks. Being that we are on the west side of the state, we experience lake effect snow showers.

Above are pictures from our adventure outdoors today.

Thank you Lord that we live in a state the experiences all 4 seasons....your art work is amazing!

Phase 2 Complete!

Sorry I have not posted in a while. We had family Christmas over the weekend.

Bella completed her second phase of treatment today, we are on to interim maintenance which will involve intervenious chemo every 10 days and a spinal tap every 4 weeks. We have 2 months of this before we go on to the next phase which repeats the first month of treatment. Bella did great today and has been in a sweet fun mood all day. Upon coming home from clinic, she received a package in the mail from our friends, the Wheelers! Thank you Lindsey, Chris and Eliana...this was a wonderful gift for Bella and one she will treasure always. It's a wonderful reminder that our hope is Jesus.

As you can see from the pics, Bella is maintaing keeping her hair. She has lost a 1/3 of it, but it has just thinned out, not fallen out in clumps. Some children hold on to their hair longer than others, another wonderful blessing from God.

Sweet little Abby continues to need prayer as well as her family, she is back in the hospital. We are also asking for prayer for our friend Hannah who is fighting Rhabdo, she too is back in the hospital.

I so appreciate you checking in and hope to post wonderful pics soon with more good news on the chica.

Blessings to all, Susie

And then there was NONE!

It was there, now its gone!

First Sled Ride

Catching Snow Flakes

Not so sure about the sled

After decorating the tree....sorry Candy, she really is cute in the dress.

My Babies...tube No more!

Three NIGHTS....4 DAYS....these are the number of days I spent in the hospital with Bella last week to have her feeding tube put in place. Not only did she have to have the procedure, but she needed to be rehydrated, they had to observe how her body would handle the feeding tube and lastly, a spinal tap. At 8:45 pm this evening....she PULLED IT OUT! She was sitting right on my lap, she started having a sneezing attack, I looked down at her and she was looking straight at me with her eye's wide open, a serious look on her face and the tube hanging from her tiny fingers. She knew what she had done. Every time she gets her hands near that tube I start telling her no. The boys were running around saying what do we do. My answer....'she's going to bed!' Of the 6 weeks since Bella was diagnosed, I have spent 3 of those weeks in the hospital with her. Two of those visits were because Bella would not eat or drink, this feeding tube was the solution. In the morning, I will have to call Bella's Oncologist.

In addition, we had a challenging weekend with Bella. She is pretty much on my hip as she only wants to be held by myself of Dave. If I leave the room, she breaks in to tears. She is terrified of going to bed and taking a tub. She wakes up in the middle of the night screaming and we cant calm her down. If Bella was a defiant child, we might see this differently, but she's not. It hurts my heart to hear her crying this way, I know that there is something wrong, but she is only 15 months and cant tell me.

I felt slightly defeated tonight and frustrated. My tank felt empty...I was running on fumes. After getting all 4 kids to bed, I grabbed my bible and headed for the tub. I was desperate for an answer from God. "I cant do this anymore...I am tired Lord, I am not strong enough for this." And He said "Your strength will come from settling down in complete dependence on me". Ish 30:15, The Message Bible. Just what I needed to hear, its not my job to figure this out...its not my worry, its His. I am to lean on, trust on and rely on Him. How very easy it is to want to take control of the situation, after all, if were made in His image, we can figure this out. And then, things begin to really spiral out of control and were yelling "Lord, I cant take this anymore" and He say's "I never asked you too, you did this all by your self." And then he calms us down and say's "My mercies are new every day". I personally take comfort in this knowing that God's time is not our earthly time, so "every day" can mean "right now".

I have a quote I used to keep on my mirror, its now etched in my brain (but after today, I think I need to put it back on my mirror). "Good Morning! This is God...I will be handling your problems today and I do not need your help". No He does not, it seems I get in the way every time I try to help Him out. So tonight, I go to bed forgiven for momentarily forgetting where my strength comes from and I "count it all joy" knowing that God is up to something wonderful.

Please lift this family up

I am deeply saddened by the news of one of my blogging buddies, Carla. Her daughter Josi was killed in Guatemala...her adoption was awaiting an embassy apt, she was due home before Christmas. Please visit their site and offer words of encouragement and prayer. My heart is heavy for them, but they are strong in their faith and I know they will receive the peace of Christ.

http://azhderianfamily.blogspot.com/

All is Calm, All is Bright

UPDATE, Dec. 6....Were home! We were discharged Thursday evening the 4th. I will post more later, but please pray for Bella...she is emotionally traumatized and scared to fall asleep or go in the tub. All things she did when first coming home from Guatemala. There have been so many physical set backs for her, but we know this season will pass and God in all His glory will be revealed. She is also struggling with the new feeding tube and we were up twice last night with her throwing up. On a praise note, she is standing and walking along furniture again! Slow but sure.

It's snowing out, as it has been all week. I am on the 7th floor of the hospital with one of the greatest views in the city. I look out for miles, I can even see the hills of the lake shore coastline. Tonight, I look out the window of this hospital room and I see glittering snow falling gently on my city. Even though its 1:30 am, the city is completely lit up. I cant help but sit here and think how blessed I am to experience this sight from this room rather than my front living room window. It's peaceful, magical and hopeful.

This is the perfect end to a special evening. Bella did much better today, but she is still struggling with any medical professionals coming near her or in our room. This is something we had worked through after her first admission, but after the events of yesterdays feeding tube procedure, she has lost faith in the staff, but I have not. She will in time come to trust them, but I cant blame her one bit for the fear she is not yet able to control.

Bella is struggling with sleeping here at the hospital, she does not want to nap and she wakes up often crying. I dont think she is uncomfortable, I think she is just scared and out of sorts. Going home is going to be good for both of us. Tonight after waking for the second time at 10 pm, I decided bedtime wasn't worth fighting, I was going to make the best of it. I am so very glad I did. Bella and I spent an hour and half rolling around on the bed laughing, doing zerbet kisses, playing peekaboo, giving Molly the bear crackers and listening to her heart beat, snuggling and just being girls. It was absolutely delightful, a treasured time. Who would have thought that so many wonderful memories and bonding moments could come out of a Luekemia diagnosis. So I say again "How big is my God?"! Only He could bring joy and good out of this current "circumstance". I just love how He loves me so.

So the Princess now sleeps....all is calm on this snowy night....All is bright.

We can do all things....

Through Christ who strengthens us. That was the verse for the day...I spent a great deal of time whispering this in to Bella's ear as well as my own heart. And through His strength, we made it through a tough day.

Bella received her feeding tube today through her little nose. Unfortunately, it was a physically traumatic event for her, not because it hurt, but because she was afraid. The procedure is no more painful than a single IV, however, it does require for no parent to be in the room as well as being strapped down. I really thought I would be ok, I knew this was the best thing for both Bella and I. In order for both of us to be home, she needs to receive her meds, fluids and nutrition...this tube will achieve that, but seeing terror in your daughters eye's and walking away from her side is painful. I can only imagine how God must have felt when He turned his face away from His son in order for salvation to be achieved for all who choose to believe. When I looked in to Bella's eye's, I could truly feel God's compassion for the moment, yet my physical heart was hurting so.

It took me 2 hours and a dose of Benadryl to calm Bella down after that event. She took a 2 hour nap and then we took a walk around the same hospital halls, but in a fun kids wheel chair. We also spent some time in the playroom where she quickly decided to take a tug at her new tube while I was looking for toys. When I turned around, it was hanging down to her chin! Ugh...I quickly stuffed the tube back down and brought her to our room and called the nurses. That resulted in a new bandage change to secure the tubing...and another 1 1/2 hours of me calming Bella down. But, she sleeps.....and I have prayed over her to have "the peace of Christ that passes understanding". She has no way to process all this, she cant understand, but I rest in knowing that as she grows in to a beautiful young woman, she will never remember this time.

My husband calls her our "miracle baby". How different her life is because God placed her in the arms of our family, in this town, at this time. This journey is not by any means fun, but we find the joy in it everyday...and we have seen the face of Christ more times than we can even recite. We have the privilege of growing our faith deeper than we could have ever imagined. And we have the absolute gift of raising and loving Bella and our boys. So all is well, God is good all the time, and He makes good of all things. I love seeing on a daily basis just how big our God is!

My sister-in-law sent me the message below. I hope it brings you as much victory and power as it brought me. It was a good reminder of just exactly who I am. "With all that I am, I praise the Lord".

THE BELL I KNOW WHO I AM I am God's child (John 1:12) I am Christ's friend (John 15:15 ) I am united with th e Lord (1 Cor. 6:17) I am bought with a price (1 Cor 6:19-20) I am a saint (set apart for God). (Eph. 1:1) I am a personal witness of Christ. (Acts 1:8) I am the salt & light of the earth (Matt 5:13-14) I am a member of the body of Christ (1 Cor 12:27) I am free forever from condemnat ion ( Rom. 8: 1-2) I am a citizen of Heaven.. I am significant (Phil 3:20) I am free from any charge against me (Rom.. 8:31 -34) I am a minister of reconciliation for God (2 Cor 5:17-21) I have access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph. 2:18) I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Eph. 2:6) I cannot be separated from the love of God (Rom 8:35-39) I am established, anointed, sealed by God (2 Cor 1:21-22 ) I am assured all things work together for good (Rom. 8:28 ) I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (John 15:16 ) I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3: 12 ) I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil.. 4:13) I am the branch of the true vine, a channel of His life (John 15: 1-5) I am God's temple (1 Cor. 3: 16). I am complete in Christ (Col. 2: 10) I am hidden with Christ20in God (Col. 3:3). I have been justified (Romans 5:1) I am God's co-worker (1 Cor. 3:9; 2 Cor 6:1). I am God's workmanship (Eph. 2:10) I am confident that the good works God has begun in me will be perfected. (Phil. 1: 5) I have been redeemed and forgiven ( Col 1:14). I have been adopted as God's child (Eph 1:5) I belong to God Do you know Who you are!? Keep this bell ringing...pass it on 'The LORD bless you and keep you; The LORD make His face shine upon you And be gracious to you; The LORD turn His face toward you And give you peace..' Numbers 6:24-26 "Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!'

Back Again

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving and have so very much to be thankful for. I plan to post on that later.

We are back in the hospital. Bella is still not eating and drinking very little. Yesterday she only took 8 oz.'s over the course of the day. She has been admitted back in to the hospital for fluids and to have a swallow therapy test done to find out why she is not drinking. We also cant keep any medicine in her as she throws up every time we give it to her. We are so blessed with an incredible medical team and have complete confidence in them finding out what the issue is. They believe it is a side effect of her chemo to her nerve endings. She also is still not standing or walking again yet, physical therapy has been ordered as well. At this time, they are planning to put in a feeding tube in her nose so that we can get liquid, food and meds in to her system. I am hopeful we will not have to do this, but at this point, I just want to be able to care for her at home.

More later, thanks for your prayers and encouragement.