Day 2 of Clinic

Bella on her way to clinic today. Looking at her, you would never know she was in this battle of Leukemia...yet when I see her expression, I am reminded of what we are dealing with. And then I hear a gentle whisper...."This is not your battle to win, it's mine". And I turn everything over to God and praise Him that He is in this and all is well.

2 weeks ago today, we received a call at 6:30 pm in the evening that Bella had Leukemia. Bella and I spent 8 nights and 9 days in the hospital, this week marked her first week of "clinic appointments", today being her second. We left the house at 10 am for a 10:30 am apt. The apt. was a "check up and blood count"....we did not arrive home until 5:30 pm. Bella's blood counts were again very low as well as her platelets, so she ended up having 2 transfusions this afternoon. This is considered normal for her circumstance, and is expected for awhile. Makes for a long day at the hospital, but praise God...my Mom came down for 2 hours so that I could go and have my hair done. Bella will understand this sacrifice of her Mom not being at her side for all her apts once she gets older. :) I knew something was off with Bella's counts as her lips were dry again this morning with a yellow over lay, she looked paler and she was more lethargic. I am amazed at what a difference a little blood makes. Several of you have asked what you can do to help, and we have posted these items on our blog site, but one of the biggest is GIVE BLOOD! I realize that your donation of your life line will not go directly to Bella, however, a blood donor saved Bella's life and the life of millions of others before. I knew giving blood was important, but until it happens to you or a loved one, you never truly understand just how valuable it is. Make the difference in the life of a child and a family, when given the opportunity, please give blood.

I have so many thoughts I want to share, so many examples of God's fatherly hand in our lives, thank you's that I want to extend...but its been quit a day and I am "feeling" exhausted. Bella wakes almost every 2-3 hours to eat. The steroid she is on not only makes her very fussy and uncomfortable, but also STARVING! i hope to post sometime tomorrow afternoon.

Tomorrow is Halloween, and my Husband's BIRTHDAY! Every year I tell him he's "my treat not my trick". Let me tell you, he is one amazing man. We plan to head to my brothers house for the boys to "trick or treat" with their cousins, if no one is remotely sick, we will be able to take Bella in her "lady bug costume" with her mask on. I really do not want to stay home alone, we love Halloween.

As always, I so appreciating you checking in. I have so much to share in the days to come and we enjoy sharing the journey with all of you.

God Bless!

As Promised...Drac's Ball Photos!

My Nate, this is what happens when you take pics after dancing. His "ice" face makeup melted off by now. Bummer, it was very cool. He also took off his wig.

My nieces and nephews

Entrance as walking into our home, yes, that is a fog machine going off. We have 3, the ground fogger is on the dance floor.

Brad, friend and "The DJ"

Cutest Baby of the Night-Yoda, my nephew Joey!

80's couple, Pam and Scott

My absolute favorite costume....Bob of "What a about Bob" (the movie), he even had a live goldfish in his jar, aka...Gill. And I kid you not, the night in shining armor is none other than "Dr. Marvin"! This is truly his name and title. They won best couple costume in my eye's. :)

Marilyn friend Suzanne, (Brad's Wife) and the Gothic Queen (ME)

40 and older group dancing to the 80's!

Brad the DJ, "You Da Man"!

Teen Dance

Everyone loves the YMCA, the adults were in the back by the fire place

My Gothic King in the Monster Mohawk wig

My Jake as a wearwolf, he took his beard off by the time I took this picture. I hand glued each piece of hair on his face.

Dave and I

This was our 7th Annual "Dracula's Ball". The first 5 years were adult parties, and we had some awesome and wacky costumes those 5 years. As the boys have grown, we decided to switch the party to a family party as I did not have the energy to do two separate parties.

We had friends and family come over Friday and Saturday to help us set everything up. I think I would like them back every year as it only took a day and a half to get up all the decorations, it takes me a week to do it by myself. It was a great night, we had so many people and everyone enjoyed the DJ talents of our friend Brad, owner of Celebration Entertainment. Thank You Brad, you totally make the party every year.

Bella stayed with my parents that night at their home as she can not be in any public environment due to her immune system. We truly enjoyed seeing so many friends and family and just laughing and dancing off the past week. Thanks to everyone who made this yearly event possible. We could never have pulled it off without your help this year. The boys loved it and so did we.

Things Have Changed

Bella's Broviach (port) , this thing gives me the heebee geebies. It reminds me of the umbilical chord, if she pulls on it and it comes out...will her insides spill out? I have to use a syringe daily to insert a saline solution and antibiotic and change her dressing weekly. We tried bath time last night, that did not go so well. Its difficult to not get it wet. So we will only do bath time once a week and have a "wash cloth" bath the rest of the week.

Life is different, these are Bella's daily medications and Broviach equiptment. She takes 5 medications a day, each one is given 2-3 times a day. Because Leukemia attacks her white blood cells, she is highly suseptable to illness, so being "germ free" is a big ordeal in our house. Now remember, I am a cottage girl with 3 boys, this is a whole new life style for us. My hands are cracking from all the hand washing and Purrel Lotion.

This is life for the time being, but it is "but a time". This too shall pass, so on with the journey we go, the journey to healing and all the miracles and blessings God has in store for our family and Bella. It's not the journey we planned on or desire, but we are confident that God is doing a "good work in us", and that He will prevail in this circumstance. "For all things are possible with God". He is good, all the time.

Bella is really doing well, we are grateful that her stomach is tolerating the chemo so well. The oral chemo makes her very emotional, edgy and irritable...in general, she cries a lot and the smiles during the day are few. Then, every night around 8 pm she becomes "party girl" and she is all smiles and silly. At that point, I am exhausted and ready for bed, but its hard to put her down as we look forward to those moments of joy and her normal personality.

Our Halloween Party was a huge success and we had a great time. I will be posting pics tomorrow.

Thanks for checking in and leaving your messages. Our spirits are truly lifted through your postings and emails.

God Bless!

A Memorable Night

Bella's 2nd favorite nurse, Jen

Dear Bella,

I am home and thinking of you tonight. I want to tell you some things about tonight. I want to envision you as a young adult reading about tonight and believing without a doubt that God had a plan for your life. I know that your Mom and Dad prayed for you even before they knew your name or saw your beautiful eyes or heard your giggle. I know their hearts longed to have you home and to hold you and to love you and to share you and to delight in you. I was privileged to watch them journey as they waited and I know you were long awaited for by your Dad and Mom, Sam, Jake and Nathan as well as many many more who love and adore you.

Tonight you are very sick. You are in the hospital and I watched for hours as the nurses and doctors tried to put an IV into your arm or your leg. You whimpered and you screamed and you cried out for your Mama when you wanted to give her your barrette. You always rested your head on your Mom’s shoulder when she was able to pick you up from the bed and hold you. You patted her as if to say, Mom, we are going to get through this. Your smiles were not present, you feel awful and we think your bones must hurt. Tomorrow will be tests and confirmation of the feared leukemia. I am praying tonight that something else might show up, something not so hard on your little body, but I fear what might lie ahead for you and your family.

Tonight I had to focus on trusting God in this huge pit of chaos. The why questions were all over my thoughts and in my tears. Your Mom’s tears and words screamed her pain. She repeated, this feels like a bad dream. I know DeVos Children’s Hospital is one of the best in the country, but I don’t want you to have to go through this Bella. Your first 8 months in the orphanage were lonely at times, I am sure, why would your beautiful spirit have to suffer again?

And so I began to look for God and I saw Him with us tonight Bella. I saw God in Dr. Hoffman and his quick eye to see that you needed medical help right away. I saw God in Dr. Fitzgerald and his amazing skill in starting your IV after many many pokes from other nurses and lab technicians. I saw God in your mother’s tender touch and your father’s gentle kisses to your face as you were held down to start the IV. I saw God in your spirit as so many commented on what an amazing little girl you were to endure so much tonight. I do not understand dear Bella why you need to go through this sickness, but I do know this for sure, that God is with you every step of the way, to hold you and comfort you, to love you and protect you and I will pray Bella that God will bring full healing to your body and sweet sweet spirit so you can grow up enjoying the family God has delivered you to. It is my hope that your story will continue to bring Glory to God in the unfolding of the days ahead. I hope that together, we will all support the Ferrick family to live through this struggle with honest questions and expression of emotions. It is my prayer dear Bella, that many will weep over the injustice of disease and will marvel at the places we see God in this unwanted season of your life.

Bella Ferrick, you are a chosen child of God, loved by two mother’s and delighted in by many. I want you to know that I love you Bella and hope to watch you grow up healthy and strong.

Until that time,

Your friend,

Trish

I received this letter from our friend and adoption social worker the morning after Bella was admitted to the hospital. Trish was one of many angels we have seen in this experience. The night we were admitted, the only thing I could think to pray was "Lord, send your army of angels around Bella and our family." And we are seeing proof of that army every moment. We thank you Jesus for going before us an providing for not only our emotional needs, but also our physical needs.

Bella and I came home Friday evening around 7 pm. I have not had a chance to post as we had a Halloween Party to prepare for. Several angels arrived at our home Friday afternoon to start the decorating...I will post more on this event tomorrow. Bella is well, but she is very sensitive and emotional. She cries and screams for no reason at all, shakes like she's cold, and then will be all smiles and laughing. she is very tired and napping a lot, she is eating well but not large amounts like we expected. The doctors did inform us that her personality will be like this for the first couple months, its a side effect of her daily oral chemo. Tomorrow is our first clinic day for her intervenious chemo, another few hours at this hospital. I am choosing to look at it as quiet time with my girl.

I have added a new section on our Blog called "Bella's Angels". There is no way we can send thank you notes at this time for all the people who have shown their love and support to Bella and our family in one way or another, so I will post their names in this section as a way to recognize and thank those who have truly been angels to Bella and our family.

Blessings, Susie

Hope in the Storm

I want to go home

Feeling better and playing with toys again.

Bella and her favorite nurse Nancee.

Bella and her boys, they are so ready to have both of us home.

Today had moments of joy and moments of emotional heartache. Bella is really tolerating things well, but she is burned out on all the poking and prodding. Today she had her second round of Chemo via a shot in her Femur muscle. It was followed by a temp check, blood pressure check and heart check, 3 oral medications and then a dressing change for her port. It was unfortunately emotionally traumatic for her, but she is filled with the spirit and quit resilient and she bounced back after an hour and half nap with her Daddy rocking her. The hard part for me was her crying...screaming and the fact that I had to change her dressing as we will have to do this at home. On the joyful side, Bella gave many smiles today, a big snuggle to Nancee her nurse who is amazing and played with her toys and snuggled her Mom while reading books in our bed. We had to special visitors in the morning...my friend Sue and sister-in-law Tiff with Bella's cousin Joey. Bella just lit up when she seen him come in the door. I felt bad for her as she wanted to touch him but couldn't.

The plan is that we go home tomorrow...and that's what I am planning on! I am so anxious to be home with our boys and snuggled up close to my husband in bed. I am looking forward to a day of no "vital checks", doctor visits, Leukemia Info meetings, social worker checks, etc. I cant even have a single conversation with out some kind of medical interruption. My head is spinning with information and I cant seem to really get a grip to what is happening and how this will effect our lives, yet I have peace in this storm, peace in the Lord and His promise to Bella and our family. We have seen the face of Jesus more times than we can count in the last 8 days, I pray every day that I notice the big and the tiniest of blessings God sends our way.

It was one week ago today that we were informed of this diagnosis, at this time, they were desperately trying to get an IV in Bella for a blood transfusion because her levels were dangerously low. It was a night that I wont forget, yet their are moments I do not even remember. Life took on a whole new meaning, and I became very aware of how fragile this physical world is and how dependent we truly are on our God. I know Jesus personally, and I cant even imagine this walk with out Him. The adoption journey prepared us for this next journey, and we expect nothing less of God, another victory in the life of the Ferricks.

It is well....

my with soul. I am sitting on the bed with my sweet Bella girl, she is sound a sleep, but it did not come easily. I think Bella may be getting homesick as am I. A hospital room is no place to call home, but we are enjoying the quiet time together. I love our mornings when she wakes me up and we look right into each others eye's, she is all soft and warm and snuggly. Sometimes she wakes up grouchy, other times she wakes up smiling at me. I remember when we picked our sweet girl up in Guatemala, every time she would awake from a nap or in the morning I would say "Hola Chica!" an she would give us the biggest grin.

Today we enjoyed a few more guests, I love catching up with friends and family. I am immensely grateful for the love poured on our family. My Mom arrived today with a hand made night gown for Bella with a note that said "Look what the mice made while you were sleeping". When I was going to my Senior Prom, my Mom made additions to my dress. when I went to bed that night, she was still at her sewing machine, when I woke up the following morning, my prom dress was hanging on my bedroom door with a note that said "Look what the mice made while you were sleeping". I love my Mom, I love all the special little things she has done over the years to say "I love you, you are mine". Her sewing is one of my favorite things as I know her heart is in it, there is just something special about the things she makes. This includes her famous chocolate chip cookies! I am not very good at sharing those.

Please pray for Bella's continued health. Due to the chemo, her blood levels will be very low and it raises her risks of getting sick. We want to go home Thursday, so NO fevers!

"I will walk by faith and not by sight"...that is my desire, my hope and my promise. All for the glory of Him, what a life He has planned for this little girl, although the journey may have bumps, we know that in the end, we have victory.

Surgery Success!

Going on a wagon ride. Of course, Bella would wear her hospital mask, but she refuses to wear her bows!

Bella and Grandma

Bella's surgery to install her broviach port went GREAT today. It was a long day as surgery was to be around 10 am and they did not get her in until 4 pm. She went almost 24 hours with out any food or water and she was quit unhappy about it. We spent a great deal of time today trying to distract her stomach pain. We took her for a wagon ride up and down the corridors and then to the inpatient play room where she had time alone to play with the toys and read new books. Grandma was with us in the afternoon which allowed Dave and I to have lunch together alone. Bella received a special blanket today as well as a necklace with her name in beads. Every time she gets any treatment whether its blood withdrawal, chemo, antibiotic, etc., she receives a new bead. Thus, earning her "purple heart". She also received her first chemo tonight.

Bella's immune system will be down as her bloody is not creating the necessary anti-bodies to fight anything, not to mention that the chemo will kill any good cells she does have. So protecting her from sickness will be of top priority. We are not a "germ worry" family. So this is going to present some new challenges for all of us. We are already working with the kids to wash hands and use hand sanitizer all the time. We will all need to change our cloths when entering the home after being out in public. We will basically be home bound for the first 2 months of chemo except for clinic days at the hospital. Yet, there is no place I would rather be than carring for my baby. While waiting to bring Bella home, people would often say, "enjoy this time while you have it" and my response was "I would give anything to have her home and in our arms. That could not be any more true for today. She is home with the love and support of her family and in the awesome medical care this facility. Praise you Lord for your perfect provision in protecting our sweet girl.

We hope to be here only a few more days, Bella has handled every med and treatment perfectly! Believe it or not, we are going forward with our Halloween Party Saturday night. Friends have offered to decorate for us and we are very much looking forward to the mental release of the current circumstances. Grandma and Grandpa will be taking care of our sweet baby girl at their home.

As I look at my daughter, I have grief about the 8 months of time we lost while she waited in Guatemala, and now, the infancy and toddler hood that will be consumed in her treatments. I struggle with the fact that her hair beautiful black, silky hair will begin to fall out in only 2 weeks, and the daughter I waited so long for will be in a fight that is not meant to be her own. And I praise God that He is in this, that He loves her more than me, and that His only wish an desire for her is healing and perfecting in Him. So again, we look for the joy in the journey, and expect hundreds of miracles and blessings along the way.

We are so incredibly humbled and touched by all the loving posts. We feel emotionally drained, but at peace. A peace that can only come from God and your prayers. When we were leaving for the hospital after her diagnosis, anxiety gripped my heart as I scrambled through my mind as to how we were going to handle all this....I felt alone. Today, I feel peace, the support of friends, family and the blogging community has truly lifted us up and I know we are not alone. The human spirit never ceases to amaze me. What a gift it is to be part of the body of Christ.

Blessings, Susie

Walking by Faith, Not by Sight

Sweet Baby Girl in her Princess Hospital Bed

Bella eating lunch after 2 blood transfusions. This is the first time she has truly eaten in 10 days! She was so impressed to be eating off that big tray in a bed. She looks like a little bug.

Two years ago, we stood at the gateway to international adoption, we knew that this would be a physically powerless situation, therefore, we had two choices, trust God or trust this earthly world, we chose God. We chose to "walk by faith and not by sight". Today, after only 5 months of bringing our Bella home from Guatemala, we were faced with that same choice, but truly, this is a daily choice. And we stand true to His Word, we know we serve a mighty God, the Great Healer, Miracle Maker, Storm Breaker....and like Peter, we will keep our eye's on Him and walk in His blessings.

We are humbled and awed again by God's provision, faithfulness and favor. From the outside looking in, many may ask, Why? Yet we know that this diagnosis is not from God, nor was it His "plan", yet its a way to show His glory and an opportunity for us to grow deeper in our Faith and Trust in Him.

Thursday evening we were admitted in to the childrens hospital. I remember very little of this evening...it's a blur, but I do remember sitting in the admitting room while nurses scrambled around and Dave was parking the car, rocking Bella in my arms while soaked in my own tears pleading to God to surround Bella and our family with an army of angels. In this moment, I had no physical words to pray, and this was all I could speak out of my mouth. We quickly began to notice God every where in the "crisis" of the moment. The quick and immediate reaction of the pediatrician just on the sight of Bella's skin color, the expedience of the lab with results of the blood test with in 1 hour. The gentle and empathetic hearts of the hospital staff. Learning very quickly that our hospital is one of the top hospitals in the country for pediatric Hematology and Cancer as well as our Doctor. Our friend and Home Study Social Worker Trish who with in moments of finding out we were at the hospital was standing in the door way of our room to assist us and comfort us (she is medical social worker as well). The nursing staff's loving care to both Bella and Dave and I. The nurse who at 6 am in the morning came in and prayed with me before she left for the night as she knew I was grieving and not sleeping. The nurse who noticed us blowing up an air mattress to sleep on and offered to take out the crib we called "the metal cage" and bring Bella and I a large comfy hospital bed to sleep together in...we slept 10 hours together with out waking once. And lastly, and likely most importantly, is the hundreds of emails, posts on our blog and phone messages offering helping hands, prayer, support and love. I cant even begin to express the immense peace and comfort that has brought us. It has filled our minds and hearts with hope. Knowing were not in this alone has made all the difference to Dave and I and our boys. God has shown his presence in big and small ways, no detail has been left unturned, and we know that He will continue to carry us on the victory in Bella's perfect healing.

We have confirmation that Bella's diagnosis is "Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia". As horrible as this may sound, it is the lesser of 2 evils and the prognosis is good and hopeful. Bella will receive a port in her chest Monday that will allow her to no longer be poked and prodded by needles for Chemotherapy and blood draws. She will have this port for 6 months. She will also start a
two year program of Chemotherapy on Monday as well, the first 6 months being the most intense. Bella has received 2 blood transfusions and will continue to receive them for the first month until her body is completely cleansed of the Leukemia and her own body can again begin making healthy blood. The treatment is designed to kill the Leukemia and then over the course of the 2 years, kill all remaining cells of Leukemia. We will have weekly trips to the hospital for transfusions and chemotherapy as well as oral chemo at home, antibiotics, and several other meds that I cant even remember at the moment. We have been told that she will most likely loose her beautiful shiny black hair, but I am choosing to believe that will not happen. Now of course, all these facts are from the Doctors, we of course serve a big and mighty God and we are believing for a super natural healing, however that may come. In all this storm, we continue to find joy in seeing the glory of God revealed in us and through us.

As for as our sweet Bella goes, she is sooooo much better. Smiling and laughing again, her sweetness is back, and her color is gorgeous. It's amazing how pale she got and we did not even recognize it. The doctors said that is normal for two reasons, one, it is very gradual and we are with her every day, and two, she is Hispanic and its the middle of Oct. It truly did look like she was loosing her sun tan. Because her little bones hurt, they give her moreiphene for the extreme pain which after the blood transfusions, she needs less and less. She is winning the hearts of every nurse and doctor just by her sincere cuteness and beautiful big round eye's. Today, she decided to grab the nurses stethoscope and place it on her own little heart. This child is so smart at 13 1/2 months of age. We are all feeling a little overwhelmed still, but we know that in time, that will pass. However we are so optimistic and encouraged by all the news we have received, and most of all, our faith sustains our heart, soul and minds and encourages us to persevere and press on.

All of you have enrichly touched our lives and Bella's, I just pray that God will shed light to the great peace your love and support has given us in the last 48 hours. You truly held us up when we could not hold our own selves up. We have felt every one of those prayers, God has heard them, and we are seeing and feeling that.

Blessings and love to all of you. We will be sure to update on Monday with more news as we are still awaiting a couple more test results including a spinal tap, but we are confident all will be well.

God Bless.

Our Hearts are breaking.....

But we are strong in the healing power of our God and know that it will come to pass. I sit in the hospital room of my 13 month old.....what started as a stomach bug, than cough, then ear infection was quickly diagnosed last night as Leukemia. I took Bella back to her Pediatrician at 4 pm because she was not improving that much, we thought it was still her ears. The doctor took one look at her and immediately sent us to the lab. We were there by 5 pm and had the results by 6 pm. We are currently waiting for the bone marrow results which will give the doctors direction as to how they will treat her. What we do know, is that we will believe God, and He said "ALL who come to me shall be healed"! And that is exactly what we believe. We have seen God in so many ways in the last 17 hours, we stand in His glory.

Please pray with us that the Doctors will be able to control Bella's pain (her bones are really hurting her),that her veins strengthen so that she continue to receive the blood transfusions she desperately needs, strength, peace and comfort for Dave and I and the boys as we work through this and partake in the manifestation of healing.

Thank you for your love, support and faith.

Preview.............

Dressed up kids

Enterance in to the front of our home

Our Family Room...I literally wallpapered our cream colored walls with brick wall paper, spider webs and orange lights. Our ceiling is red and the fireplace and trim are already black. We made our own dance floor and painted it black and have a ground fogger for when the party starts. Our good friend Brad is a DJ and blessed the party with his equipment and talents.

My Three Sons last year.

Let's get this party started right...by dancing!

My brother John and I

2 weeks and counting....the conversion has begun! Here are a few pics from last years Halloween Party. My kids love this, it takes me 2 weeks to convert our home, but like I said, I get "cool Mom" award for at least a month. Last years my oldest sons's friends were saying "you live in a haunted house, for the entire month of October?" I have no idea why a couple of the pics uploaded sideways, I tried to correct it, but they keep loading this way.

Bella is improving, but its slow. She is finally eating a little bit, her fever is gone, and we have gone from not sleeping to sleeping non-stop.

We went to the apple orchard Saturday to pick pumpkins and apples. Bella did pretty well, but still, slept a lot.

Thanks for checking in.

Favorite Foto Friday and more....

Not feeling to good, but still beautiful.

Just a quick update....No new pics this week other than the one we took on Sunday when Bella started to not feel well. What started as a stomach bug turned in to a nasty cough and then ear infection. I kid you not, I held this child for 3 days in my arms none stop. She is improving, however, she is still not eating and therefore, throwing up her meds. This too shall pass, belieivng in God's perfect healing. I myself had the last of my 4 wisdom teeth pulled today. Other than the 2 hour nap afterwards, I am feeling great! But like Bella, I cant figure out how to eat so that I dont get an upset stomach. On the flip side, lots of shakes for me today.

We plan to head out the the Pumpkin Patch Tomorrow and start the 2 weeks process of turning our home into a Haunted Mansion for our Annuals Dracula's Ball on Oct. 25th. It's quit something....its the one time of year my kids think I am the coolest Mom ever. We put in a Dance Floor in our family room (yes, we move all the furniture out) and this year, we are adding an outdoor movie theater featuring Ghost Busters to go along with the bonfire. It's all good fun.

If you get a chance, pop in to my blogging friend's "Courtney and Stella" blog site posted on this blog to the right of the screen. She has posted a wonderful website for scheduling your families activities. Not too mention, her Stella is so fun to keep up with. Thanks Courtney!

Blessings to all,

Susie

Peeks

Oh my sweet girl, she loves peekaboo! In my car, she sits right behind my driver seat, I place my rear view mirror down so that I can see her and she can see me in the mirror. I will duck my head and say "where's Mommy"? and then pop back in mirror and say "peeks"! She laughs and smiles at me like the world sets in my eye's...and my heart is full. It was a perfect fall day Sunday, and she figured out how to hide behind our deck posts and play "peeks" with her Daddy.